Finals week bring out a lot of anxiety. I have seen this every year during my college finals. I think one of the reasons for this is that finals mark an end. When finals are over, it is time to leave and pack up for the summer. The year is now over. If you are graduating, this is it for your college career. You find yourself trying to hold on to those last few days, even if they are the most stressful with 2 finals and paper due on the same day. I remember sitting in the Stern library with my new navy blue Stern College sweatshirt savoring the last moments of college life. There is just something romanticized about the life of a college student that doesn't go with you when you graduate onto "real life." There isn't anything romanticized about paying rent and finding a job. College is that time where you are finding your independence but you still get to be a kid.
Finals bring out a lot of nostalgia, tears, reflection, and stress. Endings are hard. Transition is also hard.
But with each transition, we get better at it. We know what to expect. We have an idea of what is coming.
I too am going through a reflection period because I am leaving the halls and dorms of Beren Campus but I am having trouble finding the right words to put everything together. Hopefully I will be able to find my own words soon.
A lot has happened in the past year but a lot has yet to happen.
In a lot of ways I have changed alot since I received my diploma in Madison Square Garden last May with my friends by my side, but at the same time nothing has changed.
It is a frustrating time. It is a weird time. It is an exciting time.
When I have trouble finding the words, I look to my friends for their insight on life and it is usually a lot better than mine. Here are two different people graduating and reflecting on the past, present, and future. They would like to remain anonymous to you and to each other and I think the anonymity will help us connect to them on an even higher level.
Dear YU,
As graduation nears and I prepare to leave your hallowed halls
I've taken notice of the fact that I stand taller, think harder, and have become the woman everyone always knew I could become.
In exchange for all that, I have left behind a small piece of my childhood which will forever be buried within your walls.
I know that I have forever been changed by you, and that I cannot take back that piece of me
so please take care of it since I know that it cannot accompany me to the real world
But I know
that one day down the line
I'll come back to visit
and I'm going to look for that piece of me that is still here
Sincerely,
My 23 year old self
I've taken notice of the fact that I stand taller, think harder, and have become the woman everyone always knew I could become.
In exchange for all that, I have left behind a small piece of my childhood which will forever be buried within your walls.
I know that I have forever been changed by you, and that I cannot take back that piece of me
so please take care of it since I know that it cannot accompany me to the real world
But I know
that one day down the line
I'll come back to visit
and I'm going to look for that piece of me that is still here
Sincerely,
My 23 year old self
Dear 23 year old self,
Phew! It has been quite some time. Yes, it's been quite some time since you've done some introspection like that. After three or four years of hard work in school, who can find time for that? I totally understand. Finally, upon graduating, you have looked, sought, analyzed and delved into yourself... to look for me.
And you should know that I've been here the whole time. I've been with you since the beginning, and please G-d, I intend to stay here until the end... yah that includes after graduation. I've been with you during those elementary school days and I'm still here. I've been with you through those rough and awkward adolescent years and I'm still here. I've been with you for those post high school years, and I'm still here. Do not feel discouraged because I am a part of you that never leaves. Sure, bits of me will be shaved off, but my core will remain within.
When we go back to visit YU, it will be like old times again. The inspiration will elevate me to your forefront only to share with you in those childhood memories.
But we're in this together. We're in it for life. I'll be here right where you left me. Just come back and visit a little sooner please.
I'm still here.
Sincerely,
Your Piece Within
These two graduating seniors do not know each other. But they have one thing in common. They are going through a similar transition.
This reaffirmed the power of writing for me.
Thank you 23yearoldself and YourPieceWithin
Mollie--
ReplyDeleteI love this line. It really speaks to me. "But with each transition, we get better at it. We know what to expect. We have an idea of what is coming."
Transitions and new experiences used to completely throw me for a loop. I'm sure you know that I'm a complete control/detail freak. Unknowns were especially scary to me, because I needed to know that I would be "perfect." New schools, new places, even shidduchim and the concept of a new family and new responsibilities, scared the heck out of me. After having survived a number of transitions: going to seminary/Israel, starting at UMBC, working at the NIH, working for my dad, and even just starting each new semester fresh. I have come to see in my time that I will be ok. I need to give it time and relax. G-d has my back, and He won't let me fail. Newness has come to equal excitement for me (even though it still has a fear factor). Four years ago, going to law school not knowing what will be expected of me, knowing absolutely no one who has been there, who is there, or who will be there would have scared me silly. I'm still nervous, but I'm secure in my knowledge that I will be ok. I just have to cut myself some slack, and I will acclimate.
Life is an adventure :)
Going back to your original line. I would amend it just slightly. "But with each transition, we get better at it. We know to expect the unexpected. We have an idea of what is coming."
Dear author #1,
ReplyDeleteI think it’s nice to know that you have an impact on the places you travel to, so that someday you can follow those breadcrumbs back, if you ever get or lost …who knows, they may even help someone else whose lost along their own path.
Dear piece within,
I think the strong sense of self you describe is one of those things that always makes you, you. Wherever you go it will be, and you should take comfort in that. It’s like having an old friend along for the drive!
Dear everyone,
We’re all gonna make it…right?
Mollie,
ReplyDeleteYou're gonna do great things one day. And though the future is scary, it's filled with so much potential.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/eli-lebowicz/as-we-go-on-we-remember-my-time-at-yu/10150187193307522