First Blog Post

I am writing because I am unfinished. As I look out into the future, I see a big question mark, a road that is completely unknown. But it is just as exciting and thrilling as it is frightening.

There was a very special person who got me thinking to start a blog. Her blog is http://thinkingjewgirl.blogspot.com/; I would read her posts and feel like she was writing for me because at the time I was not ready to write my thoughts out for the world to see.

For all those “20 something’s” out there who are wondering…what will be next year? What about the year after that? Will things ever fall into place? Will I ever get over this break-up; the relationship I thought was going to be my future? Will I get accepted to the graduate program I worked so hard for? Will I find a sense of belonging and a sense of purpose? Am I going to ever take to heart what my professors told me about my strengths and weaknesses? Will I find the right person that is right and healthy for me? Will I ever become that doctor I wanted to be since I was 5, that Jewish communal figure, that dentist, that artist? Will I be able to help enough people? Will someone finally find the cure for cancer? Will cancer stop thinking that it can just come in and disrupt lives? Will young people stop dying? Will I ever have a love quite like my grandparents who celebrated 50 wonderful years together? 50 years is a long time. Am I even worthy of that kind of love? Will I make my parents proud or will I let them down big time?

I am thankful for the opportunities that were given to me and for the road that has led me here.

As I look towards the future into a sea of unknown, I realized that the most consistent thing for me besides for G-d and prayer has always been reading and writing.

I learned to read in first grade and ever since then I was all about words. I would “eat” books for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I would sit up late into the night reading my favorite books in the dark. My mother would always tell me that it was going to ruin my eyes…well of course she was right and I got glasses at an early age. But it was worth it at the time. The excitement of starting and finishing a book in the same night or over a weekend; that thrill will never go away.

I have always written. My cousin Gerri, z"l, gave me my first diary as a present for Hanukah when I was around eight years old. It was leather bound with a gold lock and key. From there my thoughts flowed and I have been writing ever since.

It is time to put my writing out there.

I hope you can relate to my writings because I am not only writing for myself. I will verbalize the laughter, the heartbreak, the glorious moments.  I will put together the angst, the stress, and the wonder of the 20 something year old experience.

And even on those nights when we doubt ourselves and cannot possibly fathom how things are going to work out…just remember…

There are a lot of us out there and…

We will be ok. We will be more than ok. We will take ownership and eventually find our place and in the meantime we will continue to enjoy the ride.